FORGIVING ME

forgive_and_forget_by_kim_1426
I wrote this post several months ago and I can’t believe how much it to me when spoke to me when I read it again a few days ago and I would love to share it with all of you. I hope it speaks to you as much as it has spoken to me and that you can spread the love to others.
Forgiving those who have hurt you is more about you freeing yourself than freeing the one who wronged you. It frees your mind from the burden of holding a grudge and opens you up to healing from the hurt, however we forget many at times to forgive ourselves. Every one of us has disappointed themselves at one point or another, we have regrets about the things we have done or the things we were not brave enough to do. We actually harbor grudges against ourselves and more times than none, this tends to limit your ability to truly let go and enjoy life. If you’re in constant thought of all the things you do wrong, working in fear to make sure you don’t make the same mistake again, with time this breeds bitterness and hatred and we tend to project this on others.
Hurting people hurt others, sometimes the hurt comes from the guilt and shame that hangs over our shoulders day in day out. This train only leads to more pain which we tend to either bottle in and hurt ourselves or we lash out and hurt others. If we are to love our neighbors as we love ourselves then I believe forgiving ourselves and making a amends with ourselves goes without saying as crucial step towards forgiving and making a amends with others.
It is hard to accept that the ones we love and care about could hurt us, therefore it is only understandable that it is even harder to accept that we have disappointed ourselves. If we can accept that no one is perfect, why not extend the favor to ourselves and accept we are not perfect either. Let us instead of looking at how we did it wrong, learn from it and believe that we have become stronger and better from the experience. Our mistakes tend to teach us more than our successes, because for us to be successful we have to learn where our weaknesses lie and how to actually deal with them instead of hiding them away in fear of not appearing perfect before others and ourselves.
For us to be able to truly love others, we need to start with ourselves and then we can start to have an epiphany when we read the words of Marianne Williamson when he said “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measures. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others”. Sleep well loved ones.

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MY DATE WITH GAEL

Today after my exam in the morning, Gael(a friend of mine) asked me to take her to sort out some official issue with an exam paper, little did i know that this would lead to us hanging out the whole day. I find it so interesting that it is possible to talk to someone a whole day and still have something more to add even when you need to be leaving. It was really nice having that bonding time with her and I realized a lot about life from our conversations.
When i was younger I never put much thought to other peoples lives maybe because all my friends were as young as me and we were basically going through the same issues. But as the years go by, family secretes begin to unfold, people become less humane and trustworthy, friends become more ruthless, money disappears faster, responsibilities become more weighty and the futures seems less and less what i imagined it would be five years ago.
But before you begin feeling sorry for me, there are wonderful flip sides to all this. i love it that with age, one becomes more decisive and less afraid to speak their mind. The fact that one becomes more in touch with themselves and what they stand for. That challenges just seem more and more like opportunities than setbacks. That friends become more and more valuable and family becomes a vital part of everyday life. There are more answered questions and less confusion like what do i want in life? One becomes more and more content with themselves and others and you begin to realize its never that serious so live a little. And my favorite part is that general feeling, cant quite put my finger on it but there is that feeling of euphoria that something good will come out of it even if i have to make it happen.
I love being considered as an adult who can make her own decisions in life and that those decisions are being taken seriously. I love that my opinion has actually started to matter and that people are starting to look up to me. Even though this is a scary stage in life where am beginning to embrace adulthood and half the time i have no idea what am doing or if am doing it right, i love the thrill and challenge of it all because am slowly marking my name in the sky- Kalekye Muia was here.
All in all my date with Gael was eye opening to say the least and am just glad that with the coming of this adulthood i have friends like her who help me seat back, take a mug of hot chocolate and just enjoy the exchange of ideas.
So try it, when a friend asks you to help them out with one of those boring errands, think twice before you decline it might be a brake from the norm that you have been looking for.

STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES

inspiration does nothing for you if you don’t get up and work on it…thats what the voice in my head just told me coz ave been looking for inspiration to write something for months now, like a writer who cant figure out whats next for his story. I am a thinker, i think about everything even the reason why i should drink fresh juice over water when am thirsty. As a thinker there has to be a reason for everything that i do, problem comes when you start over thinking and end up doing nothing, so now my new motto is stop and smell the roses. 

every morning i wake up and pray thanking God am alive for one more day, then i begging obsessing bout my schedule for the day, i have to literally stop myself(physically) and look around me and ask these simple questions;where are you?what can you hear? what can you see? what are you feeling? and the most amazing thing is it really works, it helps me stop and smell the roses and for those few minutes i am exactly where am supposed to be, who am supposed to be, am not late for anything, i don’t have the weight of the world depending on me. It helps put my worries to sleep and then i can actually start to count my blessings and name them one by one.

i used to obsess about how my friends have done so much more than me so i would try to be in as many projects as i cloud and even though it still makes my skin crawl when i hear one of my friends is done with school and i now working, another one is getting married, another one has a business up and running, i remind myself to stop and answer to the four questions above and ave come to realize that no one’s road looks like someone else’s. and i think i like it that way because some people have had to go through some rough stuff just to get to where they are, and am cool with the baggage i already have in my life:)

i am an artist and one of the most important thing art has taught me is that imperfections in your work go a long way in marking a signature on it and give it its distinguishing quality. we all have imperfections, but most of the time we try to erase them instead of seeing how much these imperfections make us that much more of who we are. so i may not get it right until the 1000th time but as long as i get time right in the end i just want to enjoy the journey along the way. that means less thinking, more doing and definitely more- stop and smell the roses girl!

NO MORE WHAT IFS

I love those moments when someone comments on your post and loves your work or even better when they get inspired by your work:) There is nothing more inspiring and encouraging to anyone than when u see that your starting to make a difference. It all starts with that first step that you have to make today, dont wait until it becomes added to your list of regrrets you have to live with. Ave come to learn that if you never take the risk to say something or do something, someone else will beat you to it and nothing stings like a what if. You knw the, what if i told them I care, or what if I went tfor that date, what if i accepted the deal… I hate to live with the what ifs in my life and i have decided that i will be more daring with my life, i only have one to live anyway. As long as am good with God, and the law the real question i have to ask is why not? Why not ask him out, why not start that business, why not wear that dress, why not have some fun. I want that by the time am dieing all i have to say is ” Lord am ready to come home.” yes there will be regrettes but i will make sure they will not be becuase i was too chicken to take a chance in life!